By Grant Day
Copyright © 2006, Seduction Insider, www.seductioninsider.com.
You’ve met a new guy, and he seems really cool. But you thought the same thing about other guys in the past – only to find out the opposite was true when your heart and your ego were left crushed and bruised.
So just how do you know this one is even worth getting worked up over? Just how do you separate the wheat from the chaff? Just in time before your next big date, I’ve created a special checklist to separate the weasels from those worthy of your time:
Chill. That’s right. Sit down, take a deep breath and relax. You can’t judge the situation if you’re all worked up.
He calls within a week of getting your phone number. Okay, men come up with all kinds of weird rules about this, but if he’s really interested he’ll call or email within a week. He should also be sober when he calls and it should be before 10:00 p.m. to show respect. If he doesn’t call within a week you’re not at the top of his list. Good guys, however, do lose telephone numbers on occasion. So if he calls and is very apologetic with a story of your number being in the pants that went to the dry cleaner it’s okay to give him a second chance if you feel like it.
Remember only fools rush in. The first thing we want to do when we meet someone new with “romantic” possibilities is spend all our free time with them. Don’t. You need to give yourself space to “digest” the time you spend with him to figure out what you really feel. Try not to see him more than once a week in the very beginning, and limit the amount of time you speak on the phone and spend emailing him. Remember you had your own life before you met him. This isn’t about “rules” it’s about avoiding “too much too soon burn out”. If he’s really interested and worth it his interest in you will only increase if you take things more slowly.
Watch out for guy’s who want to rush into spending tons of time with you themselves. Men have a habit of jumping into romantic and sexual relationships without really thinking it through – and then changing horses in mid stream when they wake up and realize they’ve gotten in too deep before they’re emotionally ready. Unfortunately even great guys do this. If he digs you he’s going to try and see you more often – but if he’s a cool guy he won’t keep pushing it. Men who need to spend all their free time with you right away should raise a red flag – he might be depressed and need something to distract him, he might not have a job, or he could be the sort who jumps in quickly, making it as hot and heavy as he can – but only for a brief amount of time. If the latter isn’t your game plan it’s better not to play.
He remembers your schedule and plans dates with you in advance. A guy who’s really interested and has his stuff together is going to make plans with you in advance. He’s not going to call you late on Friday night for a booty-call.
He pays for your first “official” date. If he’s interested he wants to be the one showing you a good time. If your first meeting was just for coffee and he at least offers to pay for that as well it’s a good sign.
He does what he says he’s going to do – whether it be call you, pick you up, or take you to the event he promised. If he’s either too disorganized or flaky to remember that he promised to take you to a club instead of the movies he’s not worth it. If he’s constantly forgetting to call when he said he would he’s not worth it.
He gives you more than one-way to reach him. If a guy only gives you a cell phone or pager without an extremely good reason you should be a little suspicious.
He’s available on both the weekends and weeknights to date you. If a man can only see you on one “particular” day of the week and can’t be spontaneous about spending time with you after the first several weeks of dating – something’s fishy.
He introduces you to his friends and includes you in social activities they do together – unless of course it’s a weekly “guy’s night out” or something.
He makes himself available for “non date” activities. He makes himself useful and helpful. Men who are really interested want to be the “white knight” for the women they’re interested in. If you’ve been going out for a few weeks and he’s up for helping you move, putting together your stereo, or changing your oil, that’s a good sign.
He’s courteous and respectful to your friends both when he meets them and afterwards. A guy who starts dissing some of the most important people in your life will probably turn his negativity on you soon. Don’t put up with it.
He remembers what you talked about the last time you spoke, he remembers what you like, hate etc.
He doesn’t go on and on about his past girlfriend/wife/lover. Sure, he might share some things about his past, especially if you ask, but a man who’s looking towards the future and seeing what’s possible with you isn’t going to constantly drag out the past. A guy can be fantastic but if he’s not over his last relationship he’s not ready to really be present for you. If this is the case tell him politely how much you like him but not to call you until he’s really ready.
He’s made it clear that he desires you physically but doesn’t push for sex in the beginning if you’re not ready for it.
