Anal Sex Tips for Women

Dear Seduction Insider:

First off I could love to say you have a great site. I love it! But there is something that has been bothering my boyfriend and I. You see, he wants to try anal sex, but I'm not really into it. But you can't complain about something you never had, so I'm willing to try it out for him. But every time we try I can't seem to go through with it. I can't seem to relax myself. One night I was drunk and we got futher into the whole experience, and it felt kind of good. But he wasn't pulling in and out of my rectum, he was simply circulating while he was inside. Now my questions is how can I just relax because it's so painful. But it's one of his fantasies, or is there any other direction we can take so it wouldn't be painful for me and not so disappointing for him.

Thank you!

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Grant Day Answers:

First off, kudos to you for being a good sport about trying something new. Your boyfriend should count himself lucky that not only are you willing to give anal sex a try, you're also willing to take the time and energy to write for advice to find out how to approach it better.

Whenever people get into the "fantasy" zone my first question is "what purpose does it serve?" Ideally sex should be for mutual pleasure to both parties concerned even when one partner is participating in fantasy sex for the other. If this doesn't happen pretty soon resentment builds up and not only is no fantasy sex going to happen, but pretty soon they'll be no sex at all.

So my first question is, "why does your boyfriend really want to have anal sex? If it's simply because he wants to be the "first man" to enter that zone and "possess" you in that way then I'd think again about moving forward with the idea. If his fantasy is about his ego he isn't going to be listening to your needs to make it comfortable and enjoyable for you as well as himself.

After all, the anus can be very pleasurably stimulated in both sexes, however, only men have a prostrate gland inside their anus (sometimes called the male "G" spot) which can be independently stimulated in order for men to reach orgasm. You might want to remind him of this.

If, on the other hand, your boyfriend just wants to kink it up a bit and make things hotter for the both of you, here is what I recommend:


Turn About is Fair Play

My rule of thumb in bed is to never expect a partner to go through with something I wouldn't do, and that includes anal sex, bondage, etc. Great sex comes from trust. How can you trust someone who has one set of rules for you, and one for him? If he wants to have anal sex with you he needs to be okay with that area being explored on him as well.


Don't Rush

Great sex is also about pleasure, even those into the whole BDSM thing know how to balance pain and pleasure for the most mind bending sexual experiences. There is absolutely no reason to rush into anal intercourse if you're just not ready. If your boyfriend will step back and open his mind and horizons a bit he'll realize that by moving slowly into this new area he's likely to end up with a very willing partner rather than a woman who's full of dread. In other words he shouldn't be interested in sticking his dick someplace his hands won't go, gently and slowly first.

The anus is part of the super sensitive "pelvic floor" region of the human anatomy. You know how your inner thighs, lower abdomen, outer labia and even the underside of your tush are super sensitive to touches and caresses? Your anus is exactly the same way. If your boyfriend will lightly stimulate the outside of your anus while going down on you I guarantee your orgasm will pack a very powerful pleasurable punch (same for him when you give him head).

Next he can move on to inserting a finger, then perhaps you can move up to a toy such as a butt plug (available at any sex shop, or online), and then finally the full deal. But the important thing is that you don't feel rushed and panicked and worried, and that if you experience pain you can slow down and move back to the step you found enjoyable.


Be Safe and Careful

The anus, unlike the vagina, doesn't come with its own lubricant, so you have to make sure you have plenty of it on hand. It's also best to indulge in anal play after you've just had a bath or shower (preferable together), but even so, under no circumstances should any hand that's been in or around the anus go near or inside the vagina.

This is an easy way to spread a very nasty bacterial infection. As a good rule of thumb, always wash your hands right after any anal play with plenty of soap and hot water. The inside lining of the anus is also extremely prone to tearing so he shouldn't go near yours, or you his, with fingers with ragged nails and cuticles.

You can buy finger cots (mini finger condoms) online, and of course, you should definitely be practicing safe sex with a condom - and of course remembering to change the condom before moving from the anus back to the vagina. Last, it's best to make sure the woman is empty before you start.


In Closing

Anal play can add amazing pleasure and intensity to your love making if you move forward carefully and don't force yourself to do something you're not ready for. I also highly recommend you check out Tristan Taormina's book "The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women.'

Good Luck!

Grant Day