Masterful making out is all about mindfulness and finesse. That’s to say, if you enter into “making out” aware of what you want to “make happen” you’ll be all the closer to actually accomplishing that which you truly desire.
Sound complicated? It isn’t. It just takes a shift in perception. Why shift your perception? Simple – the opportunity to reap greater rewards from the experience of “making out” in the first place. Rather than rushing into “making out” with someone like a bull into a china shop, aware of only your own sensory experiences (the feel of their kisses, their lips and body pressed against yours) you shift your focus to also use the time to gather crucial information about your partner.
In order to get crystal clear on what I’m talking about let’s take a look at three possible goals a “make-out” session could have beyond just thrilling your senses:
Getting to know your new possible romantic/sexual partner better.
Expressing and exploring your sexual side in a safe environment without going “all the way.”
Turning your romantic/sexual partner on to the point of moving things towards the bedroom.
Please note that the hope of having sex is the last of the goals I’ve noted. If you want to have an amazing sex life with a new romantic/sexual partner (or even an old one for that matter) take your time with goals one and two before jumping towards three. Why? Because you’re moving into “making out” with a new goal – to gather information - because none of us comes complete with an instruction manual of how best to turn us on. The moves and touches that turned on your last lover may not work with this new one, and conversely, you might not be turned on by the same moves and touches anymore either.
If you’re totally honest without yourself you might well discover that you’re tired of your own routines and would welcome some fresh information.
If you’re even more honest with yourself you might well admit that you usually just go through the motions you learned/observed in high school/college and have no real idea if they turn on your partner as well as they could in the first place.
The more you understand that each of us is a sexual work in progress the more you’ll allow yourself to explore not only your partner’s sensuality and sexuality, but your own as well. Don’t be so quick to rush into settling for the same old thing (as fun as it is), there are new heights of passion available for exploration if you’re willing to be open to it.
But that’s where the finesse comes in. Do you need a firmer touch, a softer one? Does your lover grow weak when you kiss her neck, but totally turn off if you happen to kiss her ear? As much as we desire it sex still makes many of us bashful and squeamish. To hide our shame and embarrassment we often rush into action, pretending we know exactly what we’re doing. But no one is completely psychic about another’s intimate needs. Even the most masterful lover needs some guidance.
If you take on the goals of mindfulness and finesse you accept that ripping yours and your partner’s clothes off isn’t the main goal. Instead the main goal becomes learning how to enjoy your time “making out” as much as possible by adding open and honest communication into the mix of kissing, caressing, bumping and grinding.
No, you don’t have to become a chatterbox – but you’d be amazed at how a little honest sexy talk and guidance of “what you liked to try” or “what really turns you on” can really heat things up. You can also make it a bit of a game, practicing to become “perfect.”
For women it’s especially crucial to communicate with a man in advance (before he’s so turned on he can’t hear you) about how much time and attention you need in order to both be ready for sex, and also to reach an orgasm in general. Many women have a tough time speaking up and telling a new lover just what they need because they fear he’ll reject them, or simply refuse to put forth the energy – and this sets up a pattern of misunderstanding from the man’s side, and resentment from the woman’s side since she never gets what she really needs to be sexually satisfied.
But let me be very clear, it’s completely unfair to hold a man responsible for your sexual satisfaction if you haven’t filled him in on what you need in order to really enjoy yourself – and this goes for making out just as much as it does any other type of sexual interaction. It’s important to remember people (men in particular) love a challenge – but they don’t like being told once they’ve started on a journey that what they thought was a short day hike is going to be a week long road trip. Give advanced warning, let your partner be mentally and physically prepared for what you need to have happen. And give lots of verbal kudos for the touches, kisses etc. that thrill you.
One of the things that I rarely see anything written about, but that I’d like to discuss here in closing (that I’ve experienced and have had friends and even lovers admit to) is that you can literally wear out your private bits from too much dry humping. There’s really no other way to put it. Of course, for men there’s also the possibility of experiencing the dreaded blue balls. For women the problem is too-fold: The stiffness of jeans and their hard edged seams can wreck havoc on a woman’s delicate nether regions and cotton panties can absorb all of the lubrication she naturally manufactures making her sore instead of ready for sex.
If this is happening to you you’ve got to speak up. Don’t suffer in silence. You have two choices, either you need to cut short the make out session or agree to remove the offending article of clothing – while at the same time agreeing up front whether or not doing so means you’re open to moving things on to the next level.
