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Men's Dating Tips >
How to Tame a Cougar
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Experts in the field can only guess at the causes. A booming population of single middle-age females? Habitat encroachment by randy young dudes? Demi Moore's public heavy petting of Ashton Kutcher? Or maybe it goes all the way back to Mrs. Robinson and her graduate stud. Regardless, cougar attacks are at an all-time high across the country: in upscale urban bars, at gallery openings, and even in the produce aisle. It's as if a generation of post-baby-boomers is channeling Helen Reddy: "We are women. Hear us roar."
The cats in question -- in case you spend too much time watching the Discovery Channel and never get out into the wild -- are single, successful women typically 35 and older who prey on younger men, typically 25 and younger. For years, they've watched guys from their generation chase after twittering college-age girls, and now they're ready to embrace the December-May tryst. And why not? Older women have disposable income. They're supremely confident. They're Yoga-toned and endurance honed via hundreds of spinning-class virtual miles.
Most importantly, the big O is not the mystery that it was in their days of fumbling firsts, back when the boys just pumped away during spring-break one-night stands. Cougars know what pushes their buttons, and they're looking for eager young guys to do the job.
"A cougar is sexually savvy and knows it," says author and dating-expert Lucia, a self-avowed cougar who dispenses dating advice at www.theartoflove.net. "She's comfortable with her body and isn't afraid to express herself. She knows that she will rock your world."
Cougar expert, Lucia
Locating a cougar habitat isn't hard. Google "cougar bars" along with your city's name and you'll find dozens of recommended dens (www.urbancougar.com lists popular cougar "dens," broken down by city). If you're a twenty-something guy stoked to get stalked, here's what to do to ensure a successful encounter….
Act older than your age
Cougars like their men to look young and fit, but you'll only send them bounding away if you swill beer and act like you're fresh out of the frat. "While a cougar may be looking for a 'boy-toy,' she's not necessarily looking for a boy," says Lucia. "If you're too childish and immature, she will be turned off. She doesn't need another child."
Don't be cheap
Just because she wears Prada and came to the bar in a Beamer doesn't mean she wants to buy you and your buddies PBRs. These women are horny, not desperate. Buy her the first glass of merlot and chances are she'll reach for her purse for the next round. Cougar-hunting journals are rife with reports of women who lavish gifts on their young prey. Just let them make the moves. "Don't ask for money or presents," says Lucia. "If she wants to give them to you, that's fine. But asking directly is a turn off and a sure way to get the boot."
Respect your elders
Cougars are attracted to confident men, but they still like to be in charge. So let them take the lead. Unlike younger women, cougars aren't intimidated and actually get off on being in control. "She knows what she wants and isn't afraid to go after it," says Lucia. "If she wants you, she'll let you know. She means what she says and says what she means."
Give and take
If you've survived this far in your cougar encounter, congrats -- chances are she'll take you home to her den. This is where your youthful endurance and her years of experience collide to make a night you'll both remember. She'll probably even teach you a few tricks -- as long as you give her the chance. "She doesn't want to be with a minute man," says Lucia. "Learn how to last or you won't last."
After the attack
Survivors of cougar attacks report few long-term effects. The cougar and her young male typically go their separate ways, only to look for new encounters the next week or even the next evening. Maybe that's what you want. Maybe not. You might want to find out what you're getting into if you plan to walk away from the attack unscathed. "Some cougars are only looking for short-term fun while others are looking for something more long-term," says Lucia. "You need to find out what type of cougar you're dealing with. If you're not sure, ask. If she says she's in the former category, falling for her may end in having your heart broken."
And one final warning should you find yourself becoming a cougar's regular plaything: "Depending on your job," says Lucia, "you may not be taken seriously if word gets around that you are dating a much older woman. Be sure you know what the office politics are before letting the 'cougar' out of the bag."
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